very good sense of timing. ^^

I was at a cozy little coffee shop in Trinoma trying to read through my Yield Rates notes when it occurred to me that my family is a level more intense than the usual, I think. I this realization came to me when I noticed the people in the next table: a family of about ten (including tito's and tita's) and they were talking about school. High school in particular. Shallow stuff about how hard it is at the beginning, et cetera. Something I don't recall my family ever talking about around the table. Our usual dinner conversations have something to do with ideas, something new about the fibonacci numbers that is so interesting, my father's insights on relationships, a philisopher mentioned in class, occasional stories of my parent's childhood.

This intensity, maybe it's because there are only three of us in the family. The smaller our number, the more time with have for each other. Or maybe it's just my father's own intensity radiating to the two others in the unit. See, my father is quite intense. Not strict-intense, nor cold-intense, nor is it the kind of intense people would characterize as mysterious. It's an intensity that comes from the mind. He has this unconventional insightfulness about life the roots back to his own experiences. I think that's one side of him that a lot of people don't see.

Sometimes I'm even disappointed at myself for not having lived up to it. More often these days, he's been telling me that when the time comes for him to die, everything that we have: the house, the cars, will all be used up for medical expenses, et cetera. And before that time comes, all there is that he can leave behind for me is his mind. Usually I can only understand up to the point where he says he'll die, because I get scared to death and feel like crying since I've never had a second of my life without him and my mother. But this morning, he asked me to spend more time with them, my family, because he said, the closer he gets to that time, the harder it becomes to pass on what wisdom he can to me. And the only way my parents can share their bundles of wisdom with me is when we're all together.

I admit I have been spending more time outside the house. I've been studying late into the night at McDonalds, and leaving early in the morning to get some more studying done before I go to class. He had described me as a boarder in the house, and not as a member of the family anymore. But you see, staying in the house scares me if it is a sort of anticipation of his death.

He tells me sometimes that in five or ten years they will be gone. And that there are so many things I haven't learned from them. Of course, I believe and I hope that that is an underestimation. But still, hearing your dad talk about his death is scary. And I'm almost not sure if I'd take this over a shallow conversation about school.

By the way, Marion lost to Serena. And Serena lost to Justine; the number one seed who was beaten by Marion not so long ago in Wimbledon.

I've been cheating on my blog entries lately. ^^ I do that in my journal too. I write quick lines that don't really have anything to do with what's happening in my life just so I can fulfill the one-entry-a-week requirement. (And even then I'm not very successful at it).

Anyway. Hopefully this entry will be more meaningful.

Last week I was studying with Tennis UP in McDo when it hit me (after it hit them)...The -ber months have arrived. So quickly too. It's hard to imagine that Christmas season is already in view. O__o It seems as though it was just a month or two ago when I was with Ate Lav in Bohol, taking pictures of myself beside the christmas tree. I can't believe it's been a year since that fateful vacation I always blamed for all the weight I gained (and failed to lose). And when I think about it, I don't feel like I've accomplished anything important. It's like things went by too quickly for me to have done anything of value. They say it's all in the little things. I don't know...I hope not. Because in such a case I'm afraid I might have failed...

Sometimes I think that I've segregated my life into compartments...Like in a pigeon hole where some compartments are packed with papers and events and activity, while others are collecting dust. I didn't want it to be like that, it just turned out that way out of circumstance. I could give a number of reason if I wanted to, most of them my own doing. Most of them springing from the fact that there were things I should've kept to myself even when I felt like I needed a shoulder to cry on. Now that it has turned out this way, whenever I feel so happy and complete, there are still some parts of me that remain empty.

Some people will probably read this and tell me, well, you can't have everything. I'm remembering a younger version of me saying there will always be a tradeoff. I have a creative writing classmate whose epiphany for her story is that people grow apart. But then I remember walking along the oval with Gen, and she was telling me how Bianca had said she envied us because we had high school friends that would last. I've told Jojo about this once. I don't remember if he'd said anything, but I do remember that talking about it to someone made the situation more palpable.

I bumped into Bernice the other day. And somewhere along our conversation she had mentioned in passing that many of them were anticipating a break up. Its funny how there are these things things you're aware of that only really sink in when other people justify them. I guess this is good old karma at work. I can only hope it ends with me.

And even if she wins, she'll be playing Justine in the quarterfinals! Marion, it's gonna be tough but you're tougher! *cheers Marion on*

Anyway, two upsets wouldn't be that bad. Both Serena and Justine have won the title before.