Vigile (someonereal_) wrote,
@ 2005-02-15 22:16:00

Current mood:	drained
Current music:	Come What May - Nicole Kidman & Ewan McGregor

Gomenasai
I spent a lot today, but before I let you go about telling me that I shouldn't be complaining, allow me to inform you that I did not spend seventy-two bucks, I spent four-hundred twelve. More than eighty percent of my weekly allowance and much more than two-hunderd percent of my weekly budget. I suppose that's enough for me to earn the right to state such a scandalous claim?

But yeah. I really shouldn't be complaining. Because I spent a little less than ten percent of today's spending for a good cause. And there's really nothing wrong with spending on charity, is there? Not that I'm trying to save money for myself in the first place. I wouldn't call it charity, but it's close. And unfortunately due to what economists call imperfect information, which I do not have the energy to correct, I am a selfish villain who complains about having dissaved for a good cause. Despite the fact that all this time I was saving for a cause that, to me, is just as equally good.

I may not even be able to help with the infinitestimal sum of money I've saved up, relative to the amount my family needs. That is why I've been thinking of studying Excel and Anova (or was that Enova?) to attempt working over the summer as a research assistant, which pays a hell lot more than what I'm getting now (from my allowance). You might have thought I wasn't being serious and you're wrong. But let's forget about it.

I was wrong too, I'm always wrong so I don't really have any right to tell you you're wrong.
And most of the time, you're not. Do believe I'm not being sarcastic.

Anyway.

As much as I am allowing myself to move so messily out of topic, despite all the rules in English prose about organization, I am as equally sorry for arguing with you. You were right. There is nothing wrong with giving away fifty measely pesos for that poor boy's family. And it was such a trivial thing to raise my voice at you for.

I'll confess though, [if you will allow me to present one last excuse for my behavior] that my faulty receptiveness has caused me to fail understanding your point until you bluntly explained it to me when the damage was nearly complete. If I had picked up on it a minute or two before, I probably wouldn't have kept insisting that my side had basis.

See, so in the end it really was my fault. And you were right all along. And I should have just shut my mouth. I'm sorry.

Hahaha. This is such a funny entry. I'm so defensive and almost believable in my split personality-like tone. I was reading it and I thought I that the Vigile up there was talking to me, the entry reader, but no. Haha. Basta. Ang labo. And I love it in its confusion.

it ended where the red-painted tennis court began. it looked so close that if i had ran a few steps to it, i could've hugged the rainbow.

but there wasn't any pot of gold.

it felt like a scene rare enough that you should wish on it when you see it. i don't remember wishing though.

I was looking through the files on my old laptop (because I was making some room for The Sims 2 since that laptop had a video and sound card and this one didn't) and I found two short stories that I had written a year ago during Christmas season. I remember writing them for Ventures. I don't remember if they were published in Ventures. Both of them were break-up stories, both quite well written.

It's funny. I remember being highly unsatisfied with those two stories when I had written them. Which is probably why they never really crossed my mind until I rediscovered them tonight. I also remember that when I had first written A Reunion, I didn't like it. See the pattern? For some reason, the stories I don't like when I finish them are the stories that turn out to be pretty good.

In retrospect, I think the same is true otherwise. When I write a story I find all right, it gets murdered by my classmates and my professor. O_O Last semester was a testament to that. Maybe next time I'll just pretend not to like my stories haha.

If not for their christmas theme, I would probably have posted them here. But it's too early for that. ^^

Number one: How to describe the word "right" (as in the direction right, not correct right) to a blind man without touching him. Describe it in no matter how long or short, just as long as it isn't tautologous. It took Kuya Mark about five minutes to find an answer to that. It's very mind boggling, and challenging. I tried but I was as tautologous as anything.

Number two: keeping a writer's notebook. It will have an endings section, a beginnings section, and a list of the books that are good examples for such rendering as falling in love (The English Patient---when Ondaatje described Katherine and Almasy's affair), or character description (American Gods), among others. For the moment those two books are the only two I can use as examples because they are the only two I've given enough of my time to in the last few months. It's a very nice feeling to have, the feeling of more fluid translations of thoughts into words due to the recent exposure to figures of speech and nice quotable phrases from reading. The lack of which I've struggled with during my creative writing course last semester. A writer will never be anything without being a reader. Never.

Anyway, I digressed. The Endings section will be a list of random endings that come to me when I'm on a train or half-dreaming on my bed that are fantastic enough to keep for the time being until I'd need it for a story. In the same light will be the Beginnings section. Great ideas that are not full stories yet, but have the potential to be someday when I'm in a better disposition to continue it.

Maybe I should include a phrases section in that writer's notebook. Just nice phrases that pop into my head that are neither an ending or a beginning. Oooh. This excites me. XD

Sig's overnight was a load of food and fun. ^^

I've almost forgotten how wonderful it is to be around her computer. XD And I'm sure Tracy will never forget it. She stayed up latest, her face glued to the humongous screen and her tiny Solstice character while we were all doing our time under the covers. And she slept for three hours after Stacy had left at about seven-thirty in the morning.

We played Monopoly until about two in the morning and learned a number of valuable lessons: (at least I did, because Sig and Gen had known them even before the game started) never let anyone take possession of both Park Place and Boardwalk because that only ends the game, in a sense. O.o Yours truly was the first casualty, from which I also learned that the cheapest piece of property was absolutely useless, even with hotels. No one lands on them. Not a dime did I earn with that property before I went bankrupt.

The Pajero almost got towed, if not for my father's keen intuition and gut feel. Something I wish neither to recall nor recount to anyone especially my parents. The important thing is, it didn't. The trio got there in good time. Had we been a few minutes late, I'd have been in deep shit.

Did I mention that I've almost forgotten how pleasant it feels in my stomach to be in the presence of Sig's computer? XD I got my (not-so-)fair share of game time when Sig let me play a little bit of The Sims 2. <33 Fair enough, but now quite so, because Tracy hogged it for her pseudo-RO game the rest of the time (shrieking like everything whenever she got pwned =P).

And it was quite unexpected that I come home from that happy and gay sleep over with a bagful of distractions. Romeo and Juliet anime CD's from Kimmy. The Sims CD's from Stacy. And American Gods from Sig. Whee~ And I thought I was dead set on my plans for the sem break. I still am btw. My days are just going to get a little more crowded. XD

It's a shame Selda had to sleep through a lot of the fun and while Kimmy missed most of it, and didn't get to see Gen at all. But I'm not complaining. At least we were all got there at one point or another.

Thank you friends. <333 It's been a while since we all got together for that long a span of time. I was delighted to be reminded of those times during the intersection of our Phoenix Pendant love triangle debates and Coraline when we'd draw our characters with button eyes. Kind of creepy, but memorable.

You'd think after a new layout that I'd be more productive in my blogging. I thought the same. But then I realized that things in my life have turned un-bloggable (based on certain standards that others have set), against which no new layout can change.

Since two christmases ago, the topics in my blog have been reduced to nothing other than the things that I have eventually lost interest in. And it has become quite a strain being unable to talk about anything else...Other things that make me happy. I don't know. I should just be myself I guess. They can't love me any less.

My life is at least an eight-pointed star. At least eight for October. This month is my month. Throughout which I've spent time with almost every corner of my life, without my fully realizing it. All eight or more corners of it, I've spent time with this month. Even those I haven't seen in a while.

I am happy. Content. Just because I haven't been blogging, it doesn't mean nothing makes me happy enough to blog. There's a whiff of privacy in this happiness, even though sometimes it saddens me that I can't share it with people I hold with high regard.

It's not mutual anymore, me and those people. At least I feel it's not mutual. They don't hold me with as much respect as they used to. I guess it's my own fault. No. It can't all be my fault. I made decisions that attempted to tear down any walls that divide my spheres of experience into different parts. I was honest. I did not lie to them.

They have a right to their opinions. And it's not me they dislike. But in attacking my choices, part of my eight-pointed star, they're attacking me. And I'm beginning to feel what JE feels whenever he sees people laugh at me in some public place. I say, it's not you they're laughing at, it's me. He says, it doesn't matter, it still hurts.

But it doesn't make me any less happy. It just tugs at me once in a while, but I've learned to live with it.

.

Oohh! I'm delighted! I still have a shot at my goal. <333

.

I have eight more Timezone tickets to use up before the end of October. That's sixteen more free games.

I had to lend a Math 17 book to Er a few days ago and in the process I discovered some valuable things between its pages. Such a beautiful discovery. <3

Stacy was the first to give me one after her summer cruise in Germany back in 2005 (it's the one I'm holding). It was the simplest, but most special gift I've received in my life. Then after my mother's visits to Japan, she brought one home for me too. So beautiful!

I'm not making the mistake of sticking them into some random notebook again! This time I've put them in between the pages of a book I'm pretty sure I won't lose. ^^

Vigile (someonereal_) wrote,
@ 2006-05-10 00:15:00

"The lights on the highway are so relaxing, like hundreds of little prisms reflecting a single beam of sunlight into spangles on a black tapestry."

Vigile (someonereal_) wrote,
@ 2005-10-31 18:39:00

The afternoon sun had a different glow, like in dreams…or in Heaven. It was white and its sacred-colored beams shone on me through my bedroom window as I lay in bed. I was scared.

Only once, or twice maybe (I couldn’t be sure), had I experienced this white eerie glow, but neither of them had any tangible realism. Once I was in a trance and felt suddenly that I was in this room, nowhere, with white curtained windows and nothing outside them. Everything was glowing pearl and moss white and there he was, the God with a face almost faceless like the iridescent glow of the white sun. In His embrace I was suddenly filled and dizzy with heavy light pouring and pouring into me until I was back in my seat at home, knees weak, beside my bedroom window.

Another time it was a dream. Much earlier; much younger. Again I was standing in a room, nowhere, the empty bright silver abyss outside white-curtained windows. The gleam of everything was striking pearl white and he was there, someone I knew from childhood, seen and unseen behind wind-blown curtains. Hidden and out into view again, white as everything, mocking me with his translucent presence. I’d walk towards him, reaching out and he’d be gone.

But here, now; this afternoon was real. No white room amidst a nowhere of silvery emptiness, green blinds for white-curtained windows, everything in pale bright white-yellow, and there was just the sun. A gleaming entity suspended in the afternoon sky with its iridescent glow that scared me; at once making me both empty and full with its haunting light, like a permeable sheet of cloth in a pool of radiance gushing through, and through, and through.. I looked towards the pearl sun, its soft circular border indistinguishable from the silver sky behind it. It glowed of dreamy white with hints of gold.

And I wished for you. That you’d materialize before me from the sparkles and glints of the glass chimes hanging from my window. And you’d be with me here, stroking my hair and whispering with a voice soft and warm as light into my ear that we had a chance. Lying with me, as white and warm as everything, sparkling and glinting beside me until the haunting radiance of the sun faded away with the afternoon.

But the sparkles and glints remained sparkles and glints before my eyes, ebbing with the seconds as the white and silver shimmer of the sun gleamed with a different glow, all the while leaving only illusions of your eyes from the spangles of light. Slowly and with splendid grace, the afternoon sun with its eerie glow crept across the empty, white abyss of a sky, where nowhere had been, and the whole time, all I had beside me were the one…two unreal encounters with this alien white glow until with the staggering seconds they all faded away with the night.

These are what I have lost through the years.

Vigile (someonereal_) wrote,
@ 2006-05-22 01:51:00

LIST I: Things I wanna do if I were a Billionaire and had nothing to do with my money.
1) Travel.
2) Donate one/two million to the Central Visayan Institute, and one million to the Research Center for Theoretical Physics and probably donate to other institutions that are promising and innovative.
3) Sponsor a number of scholars.
4) Buy the F Hospital and revive it, aesthetic-wise, and reputation wise, with my partners.
5) Start a business maybe. But then again, I wouldn't really need more money, especially since I can live an exceptionally spoiled life on just the interest of that billion.
6) Keep my parents healthy and happy. It seems a significant amount of money is involved for them to live a happy life after retirement.
7) Tour Europe, and ride a cruise.


LIST II: Things I wanna do if I were an Eccentric Billionaire and Creative Genius
1) Maybe start an institution that will help others start their own business. Wehehehe. Dunno how I'll be doing that.
2) Hmm..if I'd revive anything in UP with my money, and being the eccentric that I am, I'd give some money for the improvement of the infirmary. For some reason students dislike going there, even though they offer free destist services for students. Sayang naman.
3) I'd also contribute to the improvement of the tennis courts behind the Shopping Center. Maybe give it a roof, some lights and better bleachers, plus improve the quality of the hard courts there, it's just terrible. By then Tennis UP would probably hold their tambayan there anyway.
4) I'd work with Gen to bring down the Ocean Adventure place, and any other similar institutions.
5) Since I am a genius, (wehehehe) I'd study at an Ivy League school for Masteral and Doctorate. Cambrige? Yale? Harvard? UPenn? Princeton? MIT? *swoons*
6) Write a novel.
7) Compose a song. (I am creative, according to the assumption)
8) Make sure I always have a pair of of good quality tennis shoes. For some reason none of my shoes last me a year without getting badly worn down.
9) Get the best tennis racket. If practice can't make me better, maybe equipment can. XD
10) Fund a tree planting campaign in NCR. It's been my dream, and the reason I put up my humble Nature Club a long long time ago.
11) Buy Gen her own beach since she'd gonna need it if she had her own jetski. :P
12) Contribute to the improvement of the Philippines' Culture and Arts, the way the Marcoses did. It's one other thing we've neglected.
13) Give funding for improvement of the roads and highways all over the Philippines (especially in rural areas). It'll lessen their transportation costs when shipping agricultural goods to the city, hence, fresher fruits and vegetables and fish, at a cheaper price. Plus, tourists spots (na nasa liblib na probinsya) are more accessible to tourists.
14) Buy back what was taken from La Hacienda and build a house there so that my parents can live there when they retire. Plus I'll hire more capable farm-tenders who I trust so that we don't always get cheated with our own mangoes. And plant more mango trees. LOL
15) Buy a pet Panda. If not a Koala. XD If it's illegal, I'll build an institution in China (Australia) that will help in the prevention of Panda (Koala) extinction. In a sense I'd still have my Panda (Koala).
16) Buy Sig her Lotus Tree bonsai. If none exist, form and fund a team of scientists and genetic engineers to study and make Lotus tree bonsais. And get a nice one for Sig. And maybe get one for myself as well. LOL
17) Travel.

LIST III: Things I Wanna Dare To Do
1) Climb a well-known mountain. Although I really doubt I'd ever be given the honor to reach a tenth of the Everest.
2) Yes, scuba diving. ^__^ Gen's desires have rubbed off on me.
3) Yes, horseback riding. I was so drawn to it especially as I was reading Beauty...I want to have a Greatheart. LOL
4) Go joyriding into a far far away place.
5) Hmm...White water rafting sounds really really appealing. *.*
6) Traverse a rainforest..In Malaysia or something. XD Like the people in Discovery Channel.
7) Run away and live on my own for a month.
8) Ride a hot air balloon.
9) What's that thing that you ride na parang wings ng airplane, except much lighter, and you simply hold on to a bar underneath it and jump off a cliff and glide with it until you reach the ground as if you had wings? What was that you call it? ^_^ I've always want to try that.
10) Break a heart.

LIST IV: Things I Wanna Learn and Hopefully Be Good At
1) Climbing trees.
2) Kite flying.
3) Writing short stories and novels. Whee~
4) Nihonggo. Maybe a Europeal Language too. ^^
5) Drawing.
6) Shooting a gun. Hehehe...Nakakatuwa si Gen.
7) Some musical instrument. So i can compose songs. Yey~
8) Tennis din, syempre. I've learned it, but I'm relatively low average as of the moment, (and this list does include the "hopefully be good at" condition)
9) Make friends.
10) Photoshop and Flash. Gaaaah. My dream for what, a decade already? >___<
11) Cooking and sewing. I realized I need those skills if I ever want to travel. T_T

LIST V: Things I Wanna Do Before I Die
1) Write a book.
2) Get published in an acclaimed Academic journal.
3) Have a family.
4) Finish the Phoenix Pendant.
5) Propose a Theory/Theorem in Mathematics or Economics that will bear my name when I die. (The Fabella Teorem, or kahit Fabella-someoneelse Theorem).
6) Visit Zurich, and Sydney, and Geneva, and the Netherlands.
7) Revisit Nagoya, and Manchester.
8) Tour Europe, and ride a cruise.

Maybe in 10 years I can fill out these lists again?

Vigile

Your calm manner and maturity belie a fierce determination to be at the top where you can exercise authority and get things done. Although somewhat of a rebel you attract much support through treating others with kindness and friendship. You have a broad scope and are naturally drawn to travel or projects which can expand your knowledge and understanding. Your talents and generosity bring you emotional and material contentment.

Fairly accurate I think...