Pagkagising sa umaga wala na akong ibang dahilan para bumangon kungdi ung mga hindi ko pa tapos basahin at sagutin at sikaping intidihin (meaning lahat.)
Ayokong umuuwi kasi pagkarating ko sa bahay kailangan nanaman mag aral.
Pagkahiga ko sa gabi naiiyak nalang ako dahil kahit buong araw akong nagsunog ng kilay parang bang wala parin akong natapos.
Kahit isipin kong kaya ko dapat ito, pag nagbasa na ako ng libro hindi ko maintindihan.
Pag kaharap ko ang exam, kahit ang pinakasimpleng tanong ay wala akong sagot.

Pero kaya ko ito.

Kinaya ito ni Kuya Ryan.
Kinaya ito ng lahat ng nauna sa akin.
Kaya ito ni Paul at ni Marian.

Kaya ko din ito. Kaya ko din ito. Kaya ko din ito.

I

Miss

I-miss-you

miss you.

I, Ms. I-miss-you, miss you.

Boo.

Miss I-miss-you misses you, boo.

Come back to me you.

May 20, 2007 at 07:18 AM

An old entry from one of my other blogs which I found adorable~ ^^

I've always daydreamed of one day getting married and settling into a modest and preferably cheap house somewhere, good enough for starting out. Something like one-bedroom, one-bathroom flat similar to those of small families in Japan. We can have maybe a tv and a small refrigerator, a stove and a washing machine, and maybe also a desktop computer. A small Christmas tree during the holidays. Just the essentials.

Then we'd work our way up. First save up for a better tv, so that neither my husband nor I get cranky when the old, cheap one conks out after a long day. Then we get maybe a nice couch or a sturdier washing machine. Or maybe even a slow cooker so that whoever's turn it is (I'm going to insist that me and my husband take turns preparing dinner) won't have to stress about getting it ready before the other comes home. Of course, we'll certainly have to set some money aside for a car. Nothing fancy, something like a Hyundai Accent or a Kia Rio, maybe if we're lucky a Honda Civic. Just something that'll get us to work without the hassle of public transportation.

Then, hopefully, once we've been promoted enough (me as senior professor in UP lol and my husband as, well, whatever high position) or once we have enough money in the bank, we can start planning a baby. We're going to need a yaya for her (for now I'll assume in my fantasies that our firstborn is a girl). We might start getting a little crowded, but in the meantime the yaya can sleep in the couch. And then, after we've adjusted to the new arrangement, and when the child starts getting a little bit too old to sleep with mommy and daddy, we might find it necessary to move into a bigger house. Of course, we would have prepared for that from the start (which is why we first had to get promoted enough and had to have enough money in the bank).

So then we move to a bigger place, maybe a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house in a decent subdivision, still quite modest, but good enough for a growing family. Our daughter will have to start attending school by this time. And maybe we might have to invest in an educational plan for our baby so we wouldn't have to worry about paying for her high school education when the time comes. Must think in the long term.

And maybe, after settling in, we might think of adding another blessing to the family, anyway there's room enough in the house for two little children now. Hopefully it's a boy this time so that we can end there.

And in between all these there are Christmas visits to my parents and Holy Week visits to his, we never miss those.

--

In real life, of course, it probably won't happen that way. But I notice that I really do fancy that domestic fantasy I've outlined above. Sometimes, walking along the kitchen ware section of Abenson, I find myself searching for the sturdiest-looking cheap stove I can find and think to myself, that'd be okay for our little house. Or when I wander into the electronics section of Western, I start to think, that small tv is perfectly fine, as long as we still enjoy what we're watching.

Even in the Sims, whenever I create a new family, I tend to avoid the motherlode cheat and try to play them from the bottom up, using money they've earned to get better furniture, to renovate the house, get rich and make babies.

But I really do wonder though how my life will turn out. At the moment it's pretty scary. What if I make the wrong choices? What if I don't get to achieve my goals? What if I don't become good enough a professor or an economist to succeed? I might never get to that point where me and my family get to save up enough for a bigger house (knowing more or less that Filipinos have a bad record when it comes to savings--very low relative savings rate). Our earnings might only get eaten away by bills and taxes. I remember, now that I've realized it, that sometimes I get a figure in my head, like P15,000/mo. How much would the water and electricity bill cost for a small house...Will P5,000 be enough for all the bills? Will we be able to save at least P2,000 a month??

Ugh. I'm such a geek. But seriously, these things do bother me once in a while. And it's kind of frightening that I don't have any definite answers.

Nobuta wo Produce


I realized that the trust they have for each other: that's something I wish I had. Full, unyielding trust.



Makes me also wish I had friends like Akira and Shuji. The best kind of friendship.






i <333 nobuta wo produce~

As usual, watch out for spoilers.

When I finished this book and came out of my room, I must have had this sullen look on my face because when my mom saw me she said, "it's that depressing?" And it came to me that "depressing" is not the word to describe Lord of the Flies. It was troubling and disturbing, but not depressing. I suspect that what made it that way was the fact that they were all children. Twelve at the oldest.

Two thirds of the way through the book I no longer wanted to continue. I didn't want to know what was going to happen, because Golding rendered it in such a way that what was about to happen was so tangible that it seemed as though I already knew and was dreading it.

But despite all that, I liked it. Especially the fact that towards the end, I could almost taste the worst to unravel that any other ending would have been a surprise, and in fact it was. My point: the ending was unexpected, but made very much sense. And after all that knowing-what-was-going-to-happen-and-dreading-it, Golding still managed to surprise me with the way things played out.

Halfway through the book, I was wondering to myself why it was entitled Lord of the Flies. And after I encountered the actual lord of the flies in the story, I still wondered. It wasn't important an image enough to deserve to be the name of the entire book. But after a while it rolled into place. They were a swarm of flies. They wouldn't listen. They weren't being rational. They were frustrating. They deteriorated slowly into savages, violent, uncivilized and crazy. Children, innocent and young that they are, are not exempt from the darkness that taints man. I think that was the message.

I can't help but wonder what clamor this must have caused back when it was first published. (Hy dad's copy was published 1973).

I think I'm glad to be running back to the subtle Tracy Chevalier after such an in-your-face book such as this one. ^^

I'd like to begin with an apology. I have a feeling I will review this book with less enthusiasm than it deserves not because I hated it (one of the best books I've read this year!) but because at the moment, the words don't come to me as fluidly as in any other time. Maybe I'm just tired.

Spoilers ahead.

First of all, I was fascinated by the fact that many of the characters in this book were in fact real people. The painter himself and van Leeuwehoek (he had something to do with the creation of the microscope) to mention a few. It's also nice that I enjoyed all but three characters: the obvious seven-year-old antagonist, her mother and the family's biggest patron.

I think though that the persona I liked best was Pieter the son. I don't really know why. Maybe because he fancied Griet so, or because he was patient with her when she became tongue-tied or sharp, or because in the end he trusted her very much.

The painter kind of reminds me of my dad. :( But I liked him too, because I generally like characters that don't talk much and keep to themselves. It's as though there's a natural feeling of respect towards people like that. And I like the way Chevalier rendered his liking towards Griet: never explicitly mentioned, but you can tell by the way he is towards others, and how others speak of him, that somehow his feelings towards her and her towards him, although maybe not of the same intensity, are mutual.

The thing with Griet and keeping her hair hidden was a very beautiful touch to the story. Although kind of Islamic in symbolism (and to think there was a stark religious disparity and a look at it from another angle that was new to me), I liked the way she perceived herself with her hair down as some other, less honorable Griet. And how the intensity of intimacy in the fact that the painter saw her with her hair down is to her equivalent to that of surrendering herself to her suitor. It's a sad contrast between the way she sees the two men in that part of her life.

The religious point of view used in the story got me disoriented. I was raised in a community of Catholics, and to read into a book where the Catholics are the minority, where they are merely "tolerated," was alien to me. But it was a welcome perspective. In fact, I liked it. It made the book even more real, and kept me constantly aware of the setting and the historical place of the story.

Finally, I liked the ending. I am happy that Griet married Pieter the son, although the author made sure to leave me questioning in the end if she really loves him. Maybe that is what makes the ending bittersweet. I was relieved about their marriage but something kept tugging at my gut still, even after I'd closed the book. Pieter would joke to Griet that the money the Vermeers owed them was his payment for getting her. But it said that she never laughed at that joke. And the last line: the maid came free, means that she took the joke seriously, as though she didn't want to be priced.

Anyway, whatever. As a whole, I was amazed by how Chevalier was able to transform from a painting into such a wonderfully crafted, multidimensional story that brings together real and fictional people, a story that you would really believe and experience. I gladly recommend reading it.

I'm not sure how I can take having Colin Firth as the painter in the movie. I always remembered him in Bridget Jones' Diary. =( And I have a bad feeling that most of the things I really liked in the book will be neglected in the movie.

Nonetheless, I would like to see it and confirm my fears. XD

Thanks Gen for recommending this wonderful book!

I'm pretty darned lucky I think. :) I get a periodic fix of ideas and opinions and exposure to the workings of the minds of true scientists all in the comfort of my own home. Every now and then, (on a Sunday, usually) when my two physicist uncle-and-aunt tandem come to town for business (in the natural sciences sense of the term) I sit at our dinner table or, if you will, our very own round table of great thinkers, my idols, my family. Two physicists, a chemist, an economist, a physician (all of which are doctors by the way,) and me. And no it's not always science we talk about. And it's not the science that always leaves this flame ablaze in me even days after such a Sunday family dinner.

It's the ideas. Sharing the insights on the American, Japanese, German techniques in education. Why Japan's Nobel laureates can be counted with one hand, while for Germany and the US the number is ahead by leaps and bounds. One must strike a balance between discipline and creativity. We Filipinos have the creativity, but we are drained by our lack of discipline. The Japanese have all the training, skill and discipline, but they are taught not to take risks, their creativity is constrained. How all the fields of knowledge are now becoming so much more interconnected, looping back to the Enlightenment when philosophers discussed mathematics, mathematicians fathered economics, and scientists and philosophers were one and the same.

It's the histories that are breached. Kepler and quest for God in the ellipsis during the 30 years war. Einstein and his theories in the middle of the first world war and how a hundred scientists (Nobel Prize winning, some of them) signed against his discoveries. Jewish science, they said, is junk science. We never read these things in our Physics textbooks. But my family, being the scientists that they are, they are immersed in the history of their discipline (plus, in a splendid stroke of luck, they have a knack for story telling). And it fascinates me beyond words how these names: Tyco Brahe, Johannes Kepler, Andrew Wiles, Max Planck, their personalities come to life when they are spoken of in my humble round table. The poetic Kepler who wrote for his own epitaph: "I measured the heavens, now the shadows I measure. Sky bound is the mind, earth bound the body rests." Brahe with his selfish nature, obedient data collection and golden nose. Every time, names I perceived as flat personalities in the bowels of history, and which I associate only with a theorem or a concept or a hypothesis, they become real people with their very own characteristics, personalities, their flaws, and their achievements. Every single time in that small round table.

It's the passion for their work that I see in the way they tell their tales. My aunt and uncle are first and foremost Physicists. But they too are educators, and the spirit of knowledge in them burns into me when I listen to them. In my eyes it's hard work and lots of fun for them all in one caboodle. They love what they're doing because in little increments they see the hard-earned fruits of their labor (in their students, in their school, in their research, etc.), and at the same time they're doing so much (if at the moment unperceived) for such an unappreciative and myopic country. Tell me, how many people can say they have attained these two things in their life? I may never even get to do any one of those in my lifetime. And much like Odysseus in the movie Troy, I feel pretty damn blessed just to have eaten from the same Yellow Cab pizza as a few of those who have.

Today was my graduation day, but the highlight of my day wasn't getting that medal, it was talking to them: Uncle Chris, Auntie Marivic, my mom and dad, and Auntie Cora. I want so much to be like them. It doesn't matter that I won't earn as much as so many many others in my graduating class. It doesn't matter if I won't get to work in an multinational company like my college mates. I want to be a scientist. I want to publish papers. I want to stay in my country and teach. I want to be like them.

I wonder what I did to deserve having the people I most look up to an arms length away. Having them talk with me around the dinner table about things they are paid to do at conferences and conventions. My family so rich with valuable ideas flowing so freely over our desert that I feel almost guilty that I don't have a notebook to store them all in. Guilty too that I am benefiting too much from an externality without being able to afford it.

If I could be as great as they are, if I could take it all in and get to at least half of the heights they've achieved, then maybe I could become somebody enough to deserve the right and privilege to pass this passion on to my children, planting in them the same desire that is being imprinted into my character.

Briefly: (and yes, I promise to post a more thorough entry when I feel industrious. XD)

April 14-21, 2008

starring:

Sig (Gourney),
Vigile (Virgie), aka. "Fmd I"
Gen (Genin), aka. "Frnd II" and
Stacy (Tessie) aka. "Frnd III"

[ supporting role: Vince d'Prince and Nognog Siyabyab =P ]

XD XD

Day 1: Korean couple-stalking at NAIA. XD Arrival. Tired. Chicken Inasal and White Choco Cheese Cake yum yum~
Day 2: The Quiet Place. Exploring. Eating. Monopoly~
Day 3: Fishing! Shopping for a pink shirt for Arik aka. Yabyab XD
Day 4: Overnight at Patag Mountain. Cold. Waterfalls!!! Bonded with the brothers.
Day 5: Coming home from Patag. Freezing and tired. Slept. Mang Pepe's yum yum~
Day 6: Stayed at home. Monopoly. Swimming. Sig's cute faces. XD
Day 7: Guintubdan Falls (paradise!)
Day 8: Shopping for pasalubong. Departure. =(

Photos~

Shux..I so love these things.

Name 10 people you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 10 people. (I've read them na from Yuri's blog. XD but I don't remember, I promise *bats eyelashes*) This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first.. No cheating!

1. Jan Arik
2. Selda
3. Gen
4. Stacy
5. Celeni
6. Pauline
7. Mercy
8. Jayjay
9. Lester
10. JE

DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UP THE TOP!

1.How did you meet number 9?
he was courting my friend

2. Do you have a crush on anyone up there?
yes haha

3. What would you do if you hadn't met number 1?
nothing in particular

4. What would you do if 6 and 2 were going out?
I'm pretty sure neither of them are lesbians. but still...ew.

5. How did you meet number 8?
he's my housemate~

6. Is 2 one of your best friends?
we could arrange that

7. Whose number 9's best friend(s)?
kimmy? XD

8. Have you ever dated number 1?
no. sig will slaughter me

9. Do you miss number 10?
very very much

10.what do u think of number 6?
adorable!

11.what do you think of number 7?
the sweetest person i've ever met

12. who does number 3 like?
that I would like to know~

13. Have you ever been inside number 8's house?
please refer to question number five

14. Do you love number 4?
of course

15. Ever been in the same bed as any of the numbers?
yup

16. What about no. 5?
nope

17. Do you trust these people?
most of them

18. would you date no. 5?
ck! want to go out on a date with me? XD

20. Love them all?
couldn't say I LOVE them all. but they're all all right.



21 naman daw

1. Tristan
2. Kimmy
3. Matet
4. Ryan
5. Kris
6. Ron Joseph
7. Mark Pepito Rabe
8. James
9. Cheche
10. JE
11. Kuya Les
12. Teena
13. Jack
14. Rex
15. Siggy
16. Jozen
17. Dani
18. Maki
19. Em
20. Vince
21. Gen

Where did you first meet 17?
the AS staircase XD

Do you know any of 8's secrets?
no :(

Did 3 ever hurt you?
indirectly yes, but she doesn't know it

Do u think 5 is good looking?
yes, when she smiles

What would be ur reaction if 9 fought with 20?
i'd look forward to that. XD

What would be your reaction if 11 went out with 2?
11 is married and 2 is taken

Would you ever date 13?
over my dead body. (no offense~)

What would be your reaction if 14 made out with 15?
drop dead

Name at least one fact about 4,9,14 and 19.

4: his ears stick out
9: text addict.
14: taga san agustin, romblon
19: she calls me boss or mommy. *hug*

Did 7 ever lend u money?
no. he always asks for a libre.

Describe 21 in one word.
stingy

Do you think that 12 is funny?
um..she's my mom. go figure.

Would you ever kiss 11?
maybe a family kiss when I become his sis-in-law~

Do you think that 20 is goofy looking?
most of us agree that his posture looks like a chicken. imagine that.

Ever had a pillow fight with 1?
i've never met him in person

Ever slept over in 15's house?
the day before yesterday we crashed a her place at 12 midnight. XD

How old is 6?
he's young! about my age~ XD

Have you ever seen 9 and 8 make out?
well, 9 does need to find a better man. ^^

Name one funny event you had with 18.
i'll get back to you on that one. Maki, may naaalala ka ba?

What's the funniest thing about 13?
she's a boy in a girl's body

What if 16 was your twin sibling?
then we're definitely fraternal. hey sis! XD

Did you ever hug 7?
I probably would if he'd allowed me. ^^ he's not the huggable type.

Did 2 ever make you really furious?
nope never. *hug*

Whats the craziest thing 11 ever did that you know of?
he got his girlfriend (now wife) pregnant. :)

Have u ever seen 10 naked?
what an odd question.




tapos 30... this is so funnn.


1. Tristan
2. Kimmy
3. Matet
4. Ryan
5. Kris
6. Ron Joseph
7. Mark Pepito Rabe
8. James
9. Cheche
10. JE
11. Kuya Les
12. Teena
13. Jack
14. Rex
15. Siggy
16. Jozen
17. Dani
18. Maki
19. Em
20. Vince
21. Gen
22. Meg
23. Stacy
24. JD Buhangin
25. Enzo
26. Rico
27. Gil
28. Levs
29. Von
30. Rachel

QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 10?
chemistry class, freshman year

What would you do if you had never met 6?
i'd wait till I meet her. hey sis! XD

What would you do if 20 and 15 dated?
INCEST!!!

If you could marry between 6 and 14 who will it be?
i'm taken. XD (besides, if 6, 9 would kill me. if 14, it just won't work out.)

Did you ever like 9?
textmate~

Have you ever seen 4 cry?
no

Would 4 and 17 make a good couple?
i'm not into homosexual relationships.

Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?
don't think so.

Describe 8.
um. admu alumnus. tall? lives in filinvest..

Do you like 12?
she's my mom..i guess..hmm..

Tell me something about 17.
he comes from looc, romblon.

What's 7's favorite color?
i think i'm supposed to know that, being that i'm his friend and all..

What would you do if 1 just confessed he/she liked you?
uhm..i don't know. avoid him for selda's sake.

When was the last time you talked to number 15?
kanina sa text.

How do you think 19 feels about you?
i'm her mommy~ XD

What language does 13 speak?
bisaya, tagalog, english

Who is 2 going out with?
number 9 in the very first set of names

What grade is 16 in?
hmmm...4th year?

What is 5's favorite music?
*checks in her friendster* "solemn" daw

Would you ever date 13?
never

Is 11 single?
married

What is 10's last name?
my future last name~ XD

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 7?
WHYYY??

Where does 18 live?
*checks her multiply* QC and Nueva Ecija

What do you think about 20?
chicken-chested

What is the best thing about 30?
everything..can't name just one.

What would you like to tell 14 right now?
go feasib!

How did you meet 9?
she was my boyfriend's friend.

What is the best and worst thing about 2?
she's the most down to earth person you'll ever meet and we barely see each other any longer.

Are you going to know 3 forever?
um..i don't know if I want to. :(

How long have you known 26?
since I was in 2nd year high school.

Who is 24?
someone who should once and for all step out of 23's life.

Do you have a crush on 27?
no.

Would you kiss 25?
no. I'd give the honor to stacy.

Have you hugged/kissed 22?
hug.

Would you like to hug/kiss 21?
i've hugged her so many times. i've kissed her a few times on the cheek

Is 29 your GFF?
he's my txtm8

What do you hate about 23?
anything I would've hated about her i've learned to accept after 10 years of being friends.

What's your relationship with 28?
orgmates. :D

Spoilers ahead.

As Gen wished, I read The Last Unicorn and oddly, I didn't find it as sad as I had expected. (Where have I said that before? XP) On the contrary, I think it was quite a happy ending. The unicorns were freed, the curse was lifted, the land became fertile again, Haggard no longer existed, Schmendrick got what he's always wanted.

I didn't find it too tragic that the Prince Lir didn't end up with Lady Amalthea, since something the unicorn said early in the book stuck to me. How it was horrible that Nikos did not turn the unicorn he made human back to its original form, as though she never wanted that to happen to her. So it only seemed right (not without a little regret) that she return to her original form and it would be absurd that Prince Lir end up with a unicorn, so I suppose how it ended was just as it should have ended. Not to mention the fact that the love between the prince and the lady seemed only too sudden for me, although I really did feel that they truly truly loved each other.

I think I would have been so much more devastated if she stayed mortal to be with her prince because then she'd eventually die. It was terrible how the Lady's eyes were losing its forest and green leaves and turning into human eyes. It was such a shame to think of the last unicorn becoming human only to waste away in her mortal form. I know...She'll be happy with her prince anyway. But still, I don't know. After all the other unicorns were freed, it should've been all right to have left this one with Prince Lir to lead a happy life, since she was no longer the last anyway, and she did say that she is no longer the unicorn that she used to be because she feels all the human emotions, like regret. But I think as a final act of respect to the unicorn that she was, I guess turning her back into a unicorn was the best thing to do. Because that was what she wanted in the beginning. It's wonderful how you see even their perspectives change as they grow as characters. I think I like this book.

I guess one thing I really liked about this book was that any ending would have been sad, or melancholy or regretful. So somehow it's settling just to accept what ending the author chose for his characters because every other alternative would've left the reader with the same state of emotions anyway...or worse.

But why did she not speak to the prince after everything was over? It would've made him, and us readers, the tiniest bit happier. But I guess she didn't want to feel any more regret than there already was in her immortal heart. She'll have to live with that for eternity. :(

I watched my pirated copy of The English Patient this morning. There were two things I really looked forward to in that film, and both of them didn't appear. :( I was waiting for that scene when Katherine teases Almasy with a "ravish me" right before they got into their fantastic affair. And I was very excited to see how they rendered Kip's sort-of-getaway because of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bomb. That, to me, was the best part of the book, seasoned with a little personal triumph because it wasn't emphasized in class and I came to appreciate in by myself on my second reading of the book. XD

BUT IT WASN'T IN THE MOVIE.

He was just reposted to Florence and had to leave. Bah.

But the movie wasn't that bad. Kip didn't sleep in a tent as the book explicitly described. Caravaggio wasn't Hana's uncle as he was in Ondaatje's masterpiece. And I expected Kip to be a little more handsome. Hehehe. But nevertheless, it was worth it's Oscar. The English patient was well portrayed, and Katherine was very charming. It tried, I suppose, to be loyal to the book. There's only so much a movie can do. I was disappointed that they chose to emphasize the patient's and Caravaggio's stories, at the expense of Hana's and Kip's, but it's efficient that way I guess, because their stories are more interconnected and related to the desert.

Anyway. It was a good watch.

I've got to cut this short because my folks are making me prepare for lunch.

Leaving for Bacolod tomorrow. :)

Whee~