Everyone who knows me enough to have had an argument with me (trivial or not) knows that I am a bad debater (or argue-er O__o if such a word exists). In the rare times that I do win an argument, my opponent turns around a few days later to kick my butt.

LOL. So anyway, I noticed just today that in a little way, I've learned to shut my mouth. Some might disagree, (since I still talk a hell lot with the people I'm supposedly comfortable with) but nonetheless, I'm kind of proud of myself for it. It's not a very huge breakthrough yet, though, since I've only started shutting my mouth on the internet when I'm commenting..Or at least, when i'm commenting on a comment that reacts to an original comment of mine that didn't quite mix well with the beliefs and perceptions of the person whose blog I commented on.

Sometimes there's a pain in my chest that I've now associated with having to restrain myself from saying my side of the argument. It's like accepting my loss before anything comes out of my fingertips (apart from accepting also that I am less adept at getting my point through, and more incompetent at defending my argument till the very end) Always, when I stop in the tracks of my second rebuttal comment because I know that it is a lost battle, there is this throbbing in my stomach that screams "Unfair!" Especially when the comment I am trying in vain to defend is one whose only purpose is to attempt to make the writer feel better about whatever it was that was being complained.

Maybe that's why Sig doesn't comment very much. Then again, this can't be her case because she is the best at arguing among everyone I know, if at least in my group of friends. And then again again, whenever she does comment, it's one comment that hits home.

Maybe that's why I have a journal. A garbage bin of all my rejected, restrained, unaccepted, refuted and unuttered arguments that will never reach human ears, haywhich I believe are still worth archiving despite the defeat it had or will have gotten had it found itself in the arena of debate.










Sometimes, I can't help but pity those who think they know all they need to know to react the way they do. There are things I said only half completely, but only so because their reaction to what they already knew (which was half the story) disappointed me. Now they will always act disappointingly as reactions to details that will soon be old and shabby, and never realize in this respect that there are always two sides to one coin, and that sometimes one side has heavier value than the other.









Settle with what you know, and milk it with your emotions until you realize that it is an old rag, and that it is the only thing you have to remind yourself of me.

You look at me because I'm the only one, apart from yourself. Your mirror must be broken.











They say that indifference is worse than hate. Maybe I should work on that.