i want to sleep but my body doesn't let me
i want to temporarily cloud my thoughts with dreams of being toothless.
but i don't want to feel toothless.

of all the places to be bangag, my blog is the last place i write. ohohoho. sure. as if i have so many things to say to myself that i haven't already said...not here of course. in front of the mirror maybe, or in bed. while i'm in bed with myself. sleeping with myself. dreaming of things that don't remind me of what i don't want to remember. i want to be sure but will i ever be? of course not, the only way you're sure in life is if you're about to die. i'm not the type.

i have to sleep i have a 9 am appointment. demmet i want to hear it but you're not telling me. 9 am appointment.

to my readers. skip this entry its completely pointless. just like the restaurants i've bookmarked in my head. the plans i've blueprinted in my journal. well not really completely pointless until i'm sure wahahaha. hopefully i'll never be sure. i thought i wanted to be sure? yeah, sure of this one thing but on the other hand i really don't want to be sure of the other side of it because it would mean i'm not sure if it at all.

why can't i be as happy as janssen's cee? haha. maybe someday, maybe with someone else. or maybe with the same person, maybe just in another life. or maybe in the near, distant future if it somehow finds that it can balance itself long enough to keep the knot in tact. sabi ni tita angie mag hintay daw ako ng mas maputi. sabi ni kate mag ingat ako. sabi ko naman...marami. bat ko pa iisaisahin dito?

dear booj. all i need from you is a knock on the head. tell me i'm wrong. i'm making this up. i need you. to tell me.

what happens twice will happen a third time. i'm on a bomb waiting to explode.

tell me.